We sat at one of our favorite spots. Also the place we celebrated our 5th anniversary. Looking to enjoy a salad, coffee, pastries, and good conversation, we choose the perfect table in the furtherest corner. The sun was shining, and although LA is in a drought, the gardens around us still managed to stay green and alive. The breeze offset the heat of the day and the light piano music in the background made the atmosphere light and refreshing.
Every year on our anniversary we find ourselves reflecting on marriage and life. Asking each other honest questions,
Are you happy?
Are you where you want to be?
Where do you see us years to come?
Envisioning and dreaming big...
And, the adventures of parenthood.
Our talks are normally fun and light, but for whatever reason this time it was a bit emotional. If you know my husband, he is always the life of the party, cracking jokes and just wanting to laugh. Yet, today was different. While sipping on coffee and eating a McCarthy salad, we sat in the security of our friendship lending us the pleasure to assess our lives with honesty. As only friends can, we opened ourselves to vulnerability, criticism, and honest reflection, in the best way, as we talked about life. There were moments of awkward pauses, and pauses because of tears that filled our eyes. Some things being hard to talk about, as no topic was off limits. We revisited our highest highs and our lowest lows, our greatest accomplishments and our greatest disappointments. With courage we reflected on the moments we'd rather forget. And with a full hearts we looked to our future.
I think the teary eyes came not because we we were sad, but upon realizing the weight of the next chapter of our lives.
"How do we want to live before God,
before our children,
and will we lead with conviction and purpose?"....
That weight of sensing what's required to finish the journey. The sacrifices and disciplines we must continue in. The moments where we know faith will be our only option, even when our faith might look irrational or irresponsible to the outsider.
Our lunch was finish by this point, and so was our decision. The decision to renew our commitment to the greater call in life - to live with intent for the kingdom of God.
The desire to not let up in our journey became our resolution... to not hide behind fear or insecurities or let discouragement hinder us from pushing through every challenge, and to ultimately continue on with every ounce of energy and effort as when we first began.
At whatever cost, we're in.
A lot of gratitude and raw emotions filled the air while making resolves, making fresh commitments to one another, and reflecting on our journey which has brought us this far, to be here in this moment... In LA. Happy. Together. Married. One kid down, hopefully more to come. Family. Friends. Church. Life. Purpose.
We smiled at each other.
We wiped out tears.
Then we laughed, amazed at Gods faithfulness.
I think more than ever we are secure... Not in what we do, where we live, the status of our bank account, who we know, where we've come from, or what we've accomplished. Just secure in having no other "identity" but in who we are in God... Completely secure to be us, to live genuine and honest lives, not thinking more of ourselves than we are, and not chasing after anything other than God.
It was a romantic lunch to say the least. Just the two of us, talking as best friends, so attracted to one another, very much in love, and choosing once again to embrace this next chapter together.
Anniversaries are beautiful thing, as it offers the beginning of a new year together, to start fresh again in heart, perspective and purpose.