Ever had a moment in time like this... things are going well, friendships are good, your excelling at work, and everything is progressing beautifully. You get your dream job, you starting dating your crush, you make some new friends, you find out good news, you've lost weight and are feeling good, you've got a promotion ... It's like the mojo is flowing, and all feels right but deep down you think... this is too good to be true, what's the catch here? Like you are just waiting for the bad news to come rolling in at any moment. It's a terrible thought, I know, but I think if you've lived long enough you're not naive to life's ups and downs.
I've found myself here once too many, wondering what the catch is but at the same time desperately trying to avoid any thought thereof. I like order, perfection, and good things going on in my life and in our world. I want things to stay perfect, so much so, I am willing to hold on so tight it would leave prints on my hands. I find myself sometimes playing defense with my own life, trying to dodge any and every challenge that would dare try to come my way.
It's in these moments I always feel a nudge from God, like those nudges that you need correction in attitude, perspective, and in thought. The nudge to let myself see beyond my white-picket-fence-idealistic-life, and surrender to the greater plans he has for me. One that is filled with unknowns and the mysteries of miraculous living. One that is filled with moments being interrupted responding to God's promptings. One that is filled with challenges... but at the same time the great beauty that comes from those times. His simple questions of "what if I send you here, or there," or "what if you faced this situation? Or I ask you to do this or that?" They repeat in my heart and the longer it lingers, the more I feel compelled to explore them. Like the curiosity felt in a compelling movie, you just can't stop in the middle.
There's always a root issue to everything. For me, it's that I sometimes fear challenge itself. Fearing those questions God asks me and the challenges that might come from saying yes. I hold on to my ideals really well, but some how in those moments I forget that a fulfilling, meaningful life doesn't come like that. It comes from life with Jesus, surrendering to the creator of our world and embracing the life he has for us. The way God works is quite opposite from the world. The world will tell you in order to find real life, you must do so by holding on. But God's way of finding true, real, eternal life is to give it away, to surrender.
I sometimes forget that these were words from Jesus:
“Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?" Matt 16; 24-26
Surrendering, embracing what comes our way, and self-sacrificing, that is were the real living begins. With an open hand, with an open heart, that is the best place to be. Never fear what's ahead. Never fear the results of letting things go. You will find real living in that moment. You will find your true self.